"This is My Job."

As May winds down, I am officially done working at the hospital.  I resigned in mid-April giving them notice that by the end of May, I would be finished.  It was a very good experience while it lasted.  The pay was excellent, my boss and coworkers were good Christian people, the hours were plentiful and flexible, I had good childcare arrangements and willing carpools for my school-age children.  So why did I resign?  It was very difficult to reach that decision.  It seemed to happen so subtly that I noticed one day that the joy, self-esteem and identity that I had derived from my being a nurse was no longer there.  I was too often robbing motherhood time to accommodate my coworkers and patients during the busy winter. 

I prayed about resigning for several months and thought I would never get my answer.  When the rest of the nation is clamoring to find work, I was wanting to give up my lucrative position.  I wondered if I was being too dramatic.  I pondered about how nice the extra income has been for side projects and entertainment.  I thought of my babysitter and how much she could use the trickle down from my income.  I realize now that the Lord was giving me time to think through all these details and consider my motives.  It took me a while to recognize the answer.  The answer that finally broke through my consciousness was "Why am I doing it if I don't enjoy it.  There's no eternal reward for my nursing efforts.  On the other hand, I'm a mother forever and accountable for my children.  Do I not trust the Lord to provide for my emotional and physical welfare?"  I decided to choose the most important job and do it well.

I recognized the fact that this leave of absence from the nursing field will likely result in the lapse of my license and the requirement of a refresher course in the future should I decide to return.  I was able to finally silence that inner doomsayer and tell myself that nobody can take my degree from me and a refresher course is something to look forward to and not dread.  I enjoy learning.  Knowledge is safety. 

It will take some adjustment on my part to not drive through restaurants so often, to pinch pennies a little more, and to study the shopping ads again.  I have begun to adopt a couple new mantras.  The first is:  "THIS is my job.  This IS my job.  This is MY job.  This is my JOB." (referring to motherhood).  The other is "just get started...keep going...reach for halfway...then push to the end."  So while the efforts of motherhood go largely unrecognized and I have no annual review, no measureable income, nor immediate supervisor, I am grateful to my husband and my Heavenly Father that I have the opportunity to be a mother full-time.  I have the faith to rely on my husband and trust the Lord's bountiful blessings.